Sad Klunk Diary 2

Dear Diary,

Despite my pleas, the authorities refuse to leave the bathroom faucet on so that I may have a constant supply of fresh water. Instead, I am forced to drink from a bowl like some common dog. I have been robbed of all dignity.

***

Dear Diary,

The orange authority presented me with a gift he calls a "cat tree". I know I should be thankful, but the gift I was hoping for the box that the tree came in which has since been thrown away. I am so devastated I can hardly bring myself to look at the tree, let alone play on it.

***

Dear Diary,

This morning I summoned the courage to explore the depths of a plastic bag that had fallen to the floor. Later as I exited it, my back paw was viciously trapped by the bag's handle. I attempted to flee only for the bag to chase after me. Rather than save me, the authorities howled with laughter. Fortunately, I was able to escape and am currently seeking safety beneath the couch. May the cat goddess Bastet protect me from any more plastic bags.

***

Dear Diary,

During my daily patrol of the lair, I discovered to my great delight an abandoned ball of yarn. I salvaged it with plans to use it for its intended purpose of entertainment. Yet halfway through unraveling it, the red authority returned to his room and put an end to my fun by disentangling me from the string while claiming it was his all along. I have since been banished from his room. The red authority is, in my opinion, quite selfish.

***

Dear Diary,

I have religiously followed my daily workout routine which includes running up and the down the hall at 3:00 a.m. I have never had a problem doing so until today when the blue authority opened up his bedroom door and yelled at me to stop. Apparently, my personal health is of no importance to him. I will have to adjust schedule if I am to stay physically fit.

***

Dear Diary,

Although he is fully aware of my addiction, the orange authority continues to supply me with cat nip. Today he delivered it to me stuffed inside a toy mouse. Regrettably, I accepted it and overindulged in the wonderful drug. I now lie in shame, face down in the carpet, rethinking my life choices. How could I have sunk so low?

***

Dear Diary,

The head authority maintains a magnificent garden of bamboo. Even though the plant leaves disagree with my stomach, I cannot stop eating them. Hopefully, today will be one of my good days and I will not vomit onto the carpet later.

***

Dear Diary,

I continue with my effort to establish a better system of communication with the authorities. My latest attempt involved the development of a code transmitted by banging the kitchen cupboard door in a series of short and long signals. Before I could perfect my code, the authorities forcibly removed me from the cupboard. Perhaps I should abandon this endeavor as the authorities seem to be too stupid to learn any language besides their own.

***

Dear Diary,

Today I learned that it is inappropriate to greet the authorities by stretching out my front paws and displaying my butt to them. To them, this gesture is considered highly insulting. I am not sure I will ever be able learn the social do's and don'ts of their culture. Still, I will try.